Power Within You, LLC

You love them. You hate them. You wait for them to call. And when they don’t, sometimes you imagine them in the glare of your high beams, as you rev up the gas.

But prison orange isn’t your hue. Hurt and desperation make you feel like a love-starved zombie jones’n for pain. You wonder what force compels you repeatedly through the revolving door of dead-end relationships.

Dumped or dateless or both, the only one way out of a love life that sucks (and keeps sucking) is through the damage that got you there.

No one is a loser magnet by fate or accident. You attract people who reflect, in one way or another, the level of emotional health and stability you have built throughout your life, health to health, or damage to damage. If you’re stuck on rescuing or being rescued, helping or being helped, you will attract a perfect partner. And it will be hell.

But you don’t have to be a lifetime member of Loser Magnets of America. You do have to choose to stop the madness, and take a break from mindless, loneliness-induced dating that one day will claim your soul and drive you to the brink of insanity and desperation.

What do I do? ask the dumped and dateless, with repetition worthy of a trademark. I wonder if (insert name here) is The One? How does (see previous) feel about me? they ask, searching desperately for answers that lead to freedom on healthy higher ground.

If you don’t start somewhere, you’ll be nowhere, says one of our favorite yogis about embarking on difficult journeys.

Start by reflecting on where you are in your life. Are you happy? Why or why not? How did your last relationship(s) end? How did you deal with the disappointment or sadness? Our relationship patterns, for better or worse, speak volumes on how we attract love into our lives, and the health (or lack of mind/body/spirit health) that magnetizes those relationships. Most of us need help unearthing ghosts of relationships past because they are tied to our earliest relationships. They’re not exactly exorcists, but a good counselor (spiritual or traditional) can help you exorcise the relationship demons that bind you.

It’s a public and personal service to keep your emotional sludge  to yourself before it leads to the only thing it can lead you to–more destruction.  Destructive patterns don’t stop until you consistently make healthier choices that form healthier patterns. Here are a few keys to maintaining your balance while you restore your mind, body and soul mojo.

Watch your investments. Don’t invest more than you can afford to lose in time and effort to attract and keep any relationship. Balance your level of attention and trust to reflect the energy and effort you see EVIDENCED in your partner or potential partner. For example, does your potential partner have empathy? Do they acknowledge hurting you? Are their words and deeds consistent? Do they use a lot of excuses? Do they drop out of your life for periods of time with no explanation? Many of us are aiming for the golden ring– marriage. But marriage is like a corporation, which means relationships are  like early start-ups with many details to ponder.

Communication, consistency and commitment are as good as currency, making or breaking any relationship. Forsake any one of them, fail to learn to use them and maintain them at healthy levels and you are sure to have a date to join the love zombie death march. You don’t have to be left sucked dry and miserable.

Background Check. Pay attention  to how people speak about past relationships. Do they own their weaknesses? Do they have overall empathy and respect for the other person? How they are inclined to handle one situation is how they will handle all situations. Cheaters, liars and losers don’t find cures in their next victims. People make mistakes. But love junkies, and the predators they sometimes become, have excuses for everything, taking little responsibility for their roles in failed relationships. Let’s face it. New Relationship Energy, commonly called NRE, is the drug of choice for many loser magnets and relationship junkies. Just say no to NRE and begin your journey from victim to victor in love.

Signs. If it’s healthy, it won’t take over your mind and turn you into a love-obsessed maniac. To experience real love is to feel balance and affirmation of your choices and free will. It spurs you to greater wholeness, making you bigger, not smaller. You’ll have two feet on the ground (skipping being swept off your feet so you don’t notice the secret toxic center) with access to passion that makes love’s ups and downs worth the trouble. Signs that you aren’t quite ready for the relationship you crave include anxiety about wanting to be with a certain person, even when you’re life is falling apart. If you don’t love you enough to secure you own peace, affirm your love for yourself, what do you really have to offer a potential partner? What do you think they can truly offer you? How will you recognize “real” love if the only “love” you know isn’t love at all, but mere obsession, compulsion or addiction?

If you must have said person and can’t conceive of not having him?  Cupid, we have a problem!  If  bad, disrespectful and hurtful behavior doesn’t make you take a stand for yourself and what you deserve, call for back up. Immediately!  NRE may be holding you hostage. Stop and  fix you, so you won’t be clamoring for some broken relationship, as if you really aren’t a Super God/Goddess worthy of the very best in love.

Rejection is direction, espouse some of our favorite spiritual gurus. You know what suffering is. You may be an expert in it.  What you owe yourself today is the possibility of having love that doesn’t hurt.  You can’t and won’t attract that kind of healthy love until you stop hurting you with dreadful choices leading to dead-end relationships.

Acting to heal your broken heart and spirit is an important step in taking back your power and starting to attract relationships worthy of you. Resources range from books such as Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life to guided meditation CDs from such experts as Kelly Howell to myriad counseling resources.

Be conscious, present and deliberate about the choices you make in love. Leave the zombies to Hollywood.

Within you is the power to draw the greatest love you’ve ever known.

For more information, resources and help, email us at powerwithinyou@verizon.net or call Rev. Barnes at 703-863-5491.

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To Light the Dark by Rev. Esmeralda Barnes